Create in me a clean heart

“Today if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts” (Psalm 95:8)

Morning Prayer traditionally includes recitation of Psalm 95, “Come let us sing to the Lord,” also known as the Venite (from the Latin for “Come”). Usually we stop at Verse 7 (“Oh that today you would hearken to his voice”), but during Lent you can add Verses 8-11, which are a little harsher, calling on the people of Israel not to harden their hearts as they did during the 40 years of exodus in the desert.

Today I drove over to the Marin Headlands, right on the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge. I wanted to take a break from theology and look at some geology. The Marin Headlands has some fantastic outcrops of Franciscan Complex chert (see image to left). They date to the Jurassic Period (about 145-199 million years ago). They are formed from billions of tiny skeletons of ancient marine creatures gradually turned to rock that was then beautifully heaved, folded, and exposed by the sea. I went to a place called Kirby Cove, and I had the beach to myself.

I poked around to my heart's content, checking out the geological formations, examining the sand composition, and generally enjoying doing geeky things that few others ever want to do with me. I also spent some time in meditation and prayer. It was an easy place to contemplate the grandeur of God.

I cleared my head by praying the Venite, but since we have been adding Verses 8-11, I automatically began adding those verses as well. Just as I said “harden not your hearts” I looked over at this tough outcrop, jutting up out of the ocean, slowly being shaped, and worn, and changed. I realized that this rock and my heart have a lot in common. I have, in fact, been hardening my heart for quite some time; that hardening my heart is the simplest way to characterize my struggles over the past months. But I also realized that maybe I could take some hope from this rock.

Thanks to the support of my home parish, to kind and direct insights, emails, and caring responses to some dramatic pleas on my part, I've managed to begin to truly open my heart to this path. I realize now that I've spent quite a bit of time hardening my heart to my church, to the words of other people, and to God and I've hardened my heart to the changes that this path has already begun to bring.

I looked out at the rock outcrop and thought about how it, hard as it is, is still being shaped as part of God's creation. Here you have what are essentially billions of tiny animal skeletons, that sank to the bottom of the sea in the Jurassic Period. They were buried, heated, hardened, and heaved back up, and now they sit, slowly rounded, moulded, and shaped by the sea. I thought, I may be a bit rocky myself, but I can do that too. I can let God and God's creation work on me. I can harden not my heart; be folded, rounded, shaped into what I'm supposed to be now. I can find my new place in creation. Not a bad start to Lent.